Thursday, March 24, 2011


this is still bizarre.

i sat down yesterday to make a list of all the things i need to do before i go. it went like this:

*pack up stuff
*put stuff in car
*drive to utah


I eventually added oil change and having someone check my tires and fluids,, i really have nothing else to do. which makes me feel like i'm wasting my time. but then...but then i'll be gone, friends! i can hardly wait to begin my second utah chapter, but every now and then it hits what i'm leaving behind here, and then i'm just all kinds of mixed emotions.

roommate tabby is wonderful. she has a happiness box. it is full of years and years of magazine clippings and other such things. she gave it to me to look through and take pretty things. it is a very inspiring and wonderful thing.


i really really do so much and....can't you all just come with me?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

a little bit in shock

it may be wiser to wait a day or two to make this entry. but who wants to be wise all the time?

....bad question.

i want to write this now. when i'm still feeling it. whatever IT is. a lot of things....

i was fired from my job today. my employment was terminated. i was let go. however you wish to euphemize it, it was done. the reasons for this are vague and not altogether clear to me. in fact, i am baffled. i was shocked. i still am.

but whatever the reasons are, they are unimportant. because this is what is supposed to happen. i felt that the moment he told me i was no longer an employee there. this sense of: this is what's supposed to happen. this is the end of the portland chapter (for now at least). i'm coming back to utah.

there was definitely a period of hysteria. i certainly cried my eyes out for a good ten minutes. but good friends and eternal perspective have filled me with a sense of overwhelming peace. this is exactly what is supposed to happen. nothing went wrong. it's all part of this crazy and wonderful plan.

God works in THE MOST mysterious ways. and man, i love Him. This is a great adventure. It has been, and it will continue to be. I'm utterly excited for the next chapter of it.

i really do love my life. more with each day that passes. i am so so blessed to have had the experiences i have, but mostly i am so blessed to know the people i know. you are incredible. i feel so loved and supported all around. Heavenly Father loves each of us, and he has marvelous things in store. i love life! be excited. it's going to be epic.

Saturday, March 5, 2011



i've neglected you....

i guess i must be busy with better things. yup.

so, are YOU?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Marvelous Day of Morgenstermung!

Well, it's that time of year again. "what time?" you ask. maybe. you might not have asked that at all. but i'm using the power of the internet and ignorance to put words in your mouth. but fear not. whether or not you asked, there is an answer, and i'll give it: "Morgenstermung." Now, if you haven't heard of the international holiday of Morgenstermung, don't be alarmed or ashamed; just know that your life is about to change in a beautiful way. And now I shall answer some frequently asked questions about this glorious occasion:

Morgenstermung is celebrated on February 14th, coincidentally coinciding with Valentine's Day. But Morgenstermung is in no way an anti-Valentines day, nor is it associated at all. It is a separate and distinct celebration in which all humans are invited to partake.

The origins of Morgenstermung are....foggy at best. Most experts agree that probably some saint did something or fought something or ate something...and this is our celebration of it. It was epic. Feel free to fill in the blanks.

Morgenstermung has been described as "an ancient tradition, a glorious day of cynicism and friendship." To tell the truth, though, whatever good thing you want to celebrate on Morgenstermung is accepted. Pluto and the Brontosaurus are acceptable things to honour on such a day. Also, if you can manage to combine cynicism and positivity, you win a gold star! Because S.A.D. is old news and we hate it. Negativity, that is. This is a beautiful day for all. a day of double rainbows and skipping and also monotone humour.

1. Listen to the song "Morgenstimmung."
You see, when a person googles "morgenstermung," strangely enough, there are no hits (well, until now). What does show up is "Morgenstimmung," a delightful classical piece from Peer Gynt that you may be acquainted with. The first tradition of Morgenstermung is to listen to this song in the morning. This will assure a pleasant outlook on the day. In fact, translated into English, Morgenstimmung means "Morning Mood." (Which indicates that, were Morgenstermung a German word and not a nonsense word, its translation would be roughly the same.)
2. Destroy something meaningless.
3. Create something meaningful.
4. Do something you have never done before (this doesn't have to be epic, like skydiving or starting World War III; anything will suffice.)
5. Greet people in a new way (bumping knees or touching ears are some examples. Try to follow through the whole day, when situations permit).
6. On the eve of Morgenstermung, it is customary to go outside and raise the collective energy of the universe by shouting "Everything is okay!" repetitively.
*Suggestions for new Morgenstermung traditions are welcome. That Saint who did a thing would have wanted it that way.

The identifying images of this holiday are moonbows and the human heart.

a moonbow, the symbol of Morgenstermung.

the human heart, an essential organ.

Morgenstermung was originally celebrated by wearing all black, but i assert that the impression that was given was mourning and also hatred of Valentine's Day and love. This was not the desired effect. So now, the colours to wear and decorate with on Morgenstermung are black and every bright colour--like a human moonbow. Take this as conservatively or as liberally as you like. Purism regarding this is accepted; just know you may be mistakenly counted among the masses of S.A.D. followers.

This part of the Book of Morgenstermung was chewed on by a dog, so I can't read it. Eat what you want. Jolly ranchers are a good Morgenstermung food. Colourful things. Frosting. Everything. Every food is appropriate for Morgenstermung.

No exchange of gifts is necessary on Morgenstermung, but it can sure add a fun element of surprise and joy. Acceptable gifts include stuffed animals that are NOT any of the following: bears, adorned in pink or red, accessorized with hearts or kiss marks, or inclined to say "I Love You" when you squeeze any part of their body. The more obscure the animal, the better suited for Morgenstermung it is. Also a small robot is a welcome Morgenstermung offering. Or a space shuttle.

Well, there you have it. I hope that your newfound (or oldfound, as it were) knowledge of this holiday will bring you joy and enlightenment in days to come. I invite you now to celebrate Morgenstermung!!! Tell your friends! Ahoy!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

textular nostalgia + buddy holly

my ghetto little cellular device has a rather small storage capacity, so i delete most messages immediately after receiving them to avoid the panicky "inbox full" message. some make it past the initial instinct, however, and it's fun from time to time to review which messages apparently deserved a second viewing. Here are a few of mine:

"Balls. Those are the only things I'm good at."

"Puma dildo land raid? Amazing!"

"yes. plan B as in other options, rather than the emergency contraception pill of the same name. I'll check."

"Eating Tara's ice cream and listening to Seal and thinking of you!"

"page two eighty of the return of the king."

"i got yelled at for saying goodbye to you on her time. I walked out."

"I am so excited for you to be a mother. Don't ask why I thought it. It just happened and I smiled."

Today marks a sad occasion. You see, today (February 3rd) is the 52nd anniversary of The Day the Music Died, when a plane containing Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and J. P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson crashed on its way to a show in Clear Lake, Iowa, killing all passengers and the pilot on impact.

Maria Elena, Holly's bride of barely 6 months, was widowed. "In a way, I blame myself," she said. "I was not feeling well when he left. I was two weeks pregnant, and I wanted Buddy to stay with me, but he had scheduled that tour. It was the only time I wasn't with him. And I blame myself because I know that, if only I had gone along, Buddy never would have gotten into that airplane." She miscarried the baby shortly after.

My songs of the day are in honour of Buddy and Maria, plus all the true rockstars who were a part of this tragedy.

Oh, Boy! by Buddy Holly

Everyday by Buddy Holly

and thank you, Don McLean, for your lovely tribute:
American Pie

Buddy Holly, you will always be the King of Rock and Roll to me.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

near perfection.

song of the day: Start a War by The National

no, really, though. you should know that my life is amazing. my weekend consisted of roller derby, flight of the conchords, THE OREGON COAST, beach bonfires, stars, stories, learning new words, church, shooting children with nerf guns, and games night. Oh, and Severely Wonderful Humans. i love my ward. and i love my friends. and i...

i love the ocean. every time i see it, i am filled with this rushing energy of eternity and power. the whole world feels invincible and mighty, and i am a small yet somehow significant part of it that could be swept away at any moment. there's something freeing in feeling so powerless. knowing i am surrounded by much larger powers than my own. i have an unofficial ritual. when i see the ocean, when i reach the shoreline, i run to meet it, and stop just short of the water. then i allow it to consume me (emotionally). i can't explain this part. it just happens, and there is jumping and smiling and squealing and occasionally tears, and it is incredible. then i run or walk along the water line until i can breathe again, or until i can't.

just know that if you ever take me to the ocean, these things will happen.

i am living in a dream that i have woven.

this picture is directly out of my imagination, albeit a bit blurrier. i am so astonished at what my life is. i'm sorry for all my vague statements, but i prefer to feel there is some degree of mystery in my existence....i adore everything. just know that. the oceans and the forest are only outward representations, symbols, of the consuming bliss i have found here.

for those of you who don't recall, i came here without an inkling of the reason why. i came here with no money and no plan, other than to study with the national exchange program for a year. and then, i supposed, i would return, perhaps. well, nothing has gone according to plan. which, if you know me at all, i consider to be a magnificent thing. i got a job which vaguely supported me for a while, but soon i was running out of money. it was find a new job or go home. legitimately. there was an ultimatum, and i almost failed. but miracle after miracle has kept me here, and i know more than ever that THIS IS WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE. and i couldn't be happier about that fact, for this place is my personal heaven. these people are my ones. My Ones.

everything feels like christmas, only lasting. and every day is a surprise. and every week my life changes. i swear my jaw is still hanging open 90% of the time.

Duel of the Playlists II!

Our task this round was to create a six song EP about hats. it was very difficult, but enjoyable. See results below. And i'll post something real tonight or tomorrow.

Jaunty Chapeau (damon's playlist)

Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

contains the brains (mi playlist)

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