Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Marvelous Day of Morgenstermung!

Well, it's that time of year again. "what time?" you ask. maybe. you might not have asked that at all. but i'm using the power of the internet and ignorance to put words in your mouth. but fear not. whether or not you asked, there is an answer, and i'll give it: "Morgenstermung." Now, if you haven't heard of the international holiday of Morgenstermung, don't be alarmed or ashamed; just know that your life is about to change in a beautiful way. And now I shall answer some frequently asked questions about this glorious occasion:

Morgenstermung is celebrated on February 14th, coincidentally coinciding with Valentine's Day. But Morgenstermung is in no way an anti-Valentines day, nor is it associated at all. It is a separate and distinct celebration in which all humans are invited to partake.

The origins of Morgenstermung are....foggy at best. Most experts agree that probably some saint did something or fought something or ate something...and this is our celebration of it. It was epic. Feel free to fill in the blanks.

Morgenstermung has been described as "an ancient tradition, a glorious day of cynicism and friendship." To tell the truth, though, whatever good thing you want to celebrate on Morgenstermung is accepted. Pluto and the Brontosaurus are acceptable things to honour on such a day. Also, if you can manage to combine cynicism and positivity, you win a gold star! Because S.A.D. is old news and we hate it. Negativity, that is. This is a beautiful day for all. a day of double rainbows and skipping and also monotone humour.

1. Listen to the song "Morgenstimmung."
You see, when a person googles "morgenstermung," strangely enough, there are no hits (well, until now). What does show up is "Morgenstimmung," a delightful classical piece from Peer Gynt that you may be acquainted with. The first tradition of Morgenstermung is to listen to this song in the morning. This will assure a pleasant outlook on the day. In fact, translated into English, Morgenstimmung means "Morning Mood." (Which indicates that, were Morgenstermung a German word and not a nonsense word, its translation would be roughly the same.)
2. Destroy something meaningless.
3. Create something meaningful.
4. Do something you have never done before (this doesn't have to be epic, like skydiving or starting World War III; anything will suffice.)
5. Greet people in a new way (bumping knees or touching ears are some examples. Try to follow through the whole day, when situations permit).
6. On the eve of Morgenstermung, it is customary to go outside and raise the collective energy of the universe by shouting "Everything is okay!" repetitively.
*Suggestions for new Morgenstermung traditions are welcome. That Saint who did a thing would have wanted it that way.

The identifying images of this holiday are moonbows and the human heart.

a moonbow, the symbol of Morgenstermung.

the human heart, an essential organ.

Morgenstermung was originally celebrated by wearing all black, but i assert that the impression that was given was mourning and also hatred of Valentine's Day and love. This was not the desired effect. So now, the colours to wear and decorate with on Morgenstermung are black and every bright colour--like a human moonbow. Take this as conservatively or as liberally as you like. Purism regarding this is accepted; just know you may be mistakenly counted among the masses of S.A.D. followers.

This part of the Book of Morgenstermung was chewed on by a dog, so I can't read it. Eat what you want. Jolly ranchers are a good Morgenstermung food. Colourful things. Frosting. Everything. Every food is appropriate for Morgenstermung.

No exchange of gifts is necessary on Morgenstermung, but it can sure add a fun element of surprise and joy. Acceptable gifts include stuffed animals that are NOT any of the following: bears, adorned in pink or red, accessorized with hearts or kiss marks, or inclined to say "I Love You" when you squeeze any part of their body. The more obscure the animal, the better suited for Morgenstermung it is. Also a small robot is a welcome Morgenstermung offering. Or a space shuttle.

Well, there you have it. I hope that your newfound (or oldfound, as it were) knowledge of this holiday will bring you joy and enlightenment in days to come. I invite you now to celebrate Morgenstermung!!! Tell your friends! Ahoy!


  1. Oh, how I love the ancient and holy holiday of Morgenstermung! That saint sure was the best ever.

    To me, the largest distinction between Morgenstermung and S.A.D. is that S.A.D. focuses on loneliness and misery, while Morgenstermung is about expressing friendship and love (though not typically romantic love). S.A.D. is for people who claim to be excluded from Valentine's Day. Morgenstermung is about inclusion in a joyous and unique holiday experience. As a purist with limited colours in my wardrobe, I will celebrate in the traditional all black, but I approve of the moonbow colour accent idea.

    Happy Morgenstermung tomorrow, dear friend!

  2. Seeing as how Celebrators of Morgenstermung are such an accepting gathering, do you suppose it would be okay to celebrate Morgenstermung on any day you felt a need? Unfortunately, I missed it this year. (Actually, had I known of its existence, I would gladly have celebrated it, even with the unpronounceable cognomen!)

    1. i am so sorry i have only just seen this! you may absolutely celebrate Morgenstermung at any time you please. It was initially offered as an alternative to other holidays, but as you say, it is an "accepting gathering" and should be honored anywhere and anywhen you feel it is right. you still have time to celebrate the eve of Morgenstermung this year, so I hope to hear your shouts of okay-ness flying through the collective consciousness. Merry Morgenstermung!

  3. Did I miss it again this year? Unfortunately, I don't use my Google Account that often. At least not for anything besides email. You should get a Facebook page! ;)

    1. haha, you didn't miss it yet! Sorry, i don't use this blog anymore so it takes me forever to see these things. February 14th! we will paint our faces and be wild in the wind.