near perfection.

song of the day: Start a War by The National

no, really, though. you should know that my life is amazing. my weekend consisted of roller derby, flight of the conchords, THE OREGON COAST, beach bonfires, stars, stories, learning new words, church, shooting children with nerf guns, and games night. Oh, and Severely Wonderful Humans. i love my ward. and i love my friends. and i...

i love the ocean. every time i see it, i am filled with this rushing energy of eternity and power. the whole world feels invincible and mighty, and i am a small yet somehow significant part of it that could be swept away at any moment. there's something freeing in feeling so powerless. knowing i am surrounded by much larger powers than my own. i have an unofficial ritual. when i see the ocean, when i reach the shoreline, i run to meet it, and stop just short of the water. then i allow it to consume me (emotionally). i can't explain this part. it just happens, and there is jumping and smiling and squealing and occasionally tears, and it is incredible. then i run or walk along the water line until i can breathe again, or until i can't.

just know that if you ever take me to the ocean, these things will happen.

i am living in a dream that i have woven.

this picture is directly out of my imagination, albeit a bit blurrier. i am so astonished at what my life is. i'm sorry for all my vague statements, but i prefer to feel there is some degree of mystery in my existence....i adore everything. just know that. the oceans and the forest are only outward representations, symbols, of the consuming bliss i have found here.

for those of you who don't recall, i came here without an inkling of the reason why. i came here with no money and no plan, other than to study with the national exchange program for a year. and then, i supposed, i would return, perhaps. well, nothing has gone according to plan. which, if you know me at all, i consider to be a magnificent thing. i got a job which vaguely supported me for a while, but soon i was running out of money. it was find a new job or go home. legitimately. there was an ultimatum, and i almost failed. but miracle after miracle has kept me here, and i know more than ever that THIS IS WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE. and i couldn't be happier about that fact, for this place is my personal heaven. these people are my ones. My Ones.

everything feels like christmas, only lasting. and every day is a surprise. and every week my life changes. i swear my jaw is still hanging open 90% of the time.

Duel of the Playlists II!

Our task this round was to create a six song EP about hats. it was very difficult, but enjoyable. See results below. And i'll post something real tonight or tomorrow.

Jaunty Chapeau (damon's playlist)

contains the brains (mi playlist)

*risk*

***She edged her way out from behind the parapet of her inhibition, eyes nervously darting in every direction. Every direction but behind, because that was an insignificant and shadowed place that held neither danger nor progress. Nostalgia never moved anything forward.

Lights sped by with dizzying velocity. Every encounter, coloured by the Doppler effect, felt like an almost imperceptible brush. And yet all the same, she sensed the peril the scene held if she were to move any closer. She was hoping to, for a few moments at least, simply observe. To plot her plot, and chart the safest course to the other side. But she hadn't anticipated the other set of eyes. Before she could prepare, he had caught her attention. And she, perhaps, had caught his as well. There, across the black and treacherous highway, boldly connecting with her own gaze, he waited. And she stepped into the light.

With one wrong step it would all be over. One of the great beasts let out a wail of warning as it flew past. She skittered back into the safety of the waiting forest, but couldn't help stopping. Couldn't help looking over her shoulder. Just....to see. To her great delight and trepidation, he was stepping over that great white line, toward her. She could see him more clearly now. Though his stance conveyed fearlessness, there was a quiver in his movement, an uncertain something in his look. And she was drawn to him.

Seconds felt like years as the crossing began. Each moment, her anticipation grew, and in parallel, so did her terror. They darted in tandem, realizing with each leap how very far apart they were, and how very hazardous their need for closeness was. If she could only look away, she could watch for traffic, could protect herself from the fatal blow. But his faith lent itself to her, and they flung themselves forward gracelessly. How very wide this highway was!

And then, before she could remember to inhale, a blinding flash of light, and there was no time to move. This was the end or it was the beginning. And it didn't much seem to matter now.***






oh, and this, of course:

when water comes to life by cloud cult.

remember spring swaps snow for leaves

what a joyful existence ever i lead! thank you thank you!

umm......it's been a really good week. i have few words, because of this. :)

oh, quick shout-out to BYU for their INCREDIBLE game tonight (!!!), which i had multiple sources narrating to me via phone. Go Cougars! ....i am entertained by sports, from time to time.

i'm kind of in love with my new job. i'm not sure i come across that way, as i'm usually functioning on about two hours of sleep due to DSPS insomnia....but i actually really do love my job. i love filing....and desks....and date-stamps....i love feeling productive and not being dehumanized.

so i recently challenged damon to a duel of the playlists, the theme being "colours" and the length 13 tracks. the results are below. you may partake of them. please do. and happy wednesday. and happy birthday to my sister rose! and happy.

quite happy.

Biv, Roy G. (guest playlist by Damon!)

by VIGOR (playlist by moi)

Paraprosdokian

I've been writing a lot lately...i just haven't been writing for you, you see. i'm mildly sorry for this. still, i shan't say much of anything right now. because recaps bore me, and i don't feel like "organizing." i will say a few words.

Draw...Money...Realtor (REAL-TOUR, not REAL-IT-TER)...Institute...Insomnia...Maths...Sweden....Dental ...Movie...Portlandia...Dinosaur (still and always)...Ceramics...Cookies...City...Anagram...Glass Unicorn...Farm...Late...Socks. This is an incomplete list of some words which have played a part in my week life. My life weak.

Tonight I look forward to the three Fs: Fugitive, Friends, and Pizza.

Here are some things you can read about if you wish:

*Paraprosdokian sentences
*Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome...this explains what i cannot.

I enjoy you. Well, the portion of the greater You about whom i'm thinking when i say that.

good morning.

....huh. well that's kinda fun to say. AAAND for some reason my blog is 8 hours behind....

a series of unrelated and unimportant topics

TOPIC 1: how to pump gas in oregon

this blog is not going to tell you how to pump gas in oregon. the reason for this is that i still don't really know. and google provided scant information. it seems easy enough, i know. I KNOW! but i have troubles. i've tried a variety of ways, but none have felt entirely successful. if you're paying with a card, there is no issue. you pull up, turn off the car, roll down your window (not in that order, as i am repeatedly reminded), and hand the nice man/hermaphrodite your card. oh, you do also have to speak. that's one thing i would often forget at first. you wave your hand about and say something like, "fill it up with regular." or premium, if you're one of those people [who i'm not sure exist] who get premium gasoline. no, the heart of the problem lies in the fact that i pay in cash. in (almost) any other state, this is just as easy. you just go in, give them the moneys, and return to feed your car. however, here in oregon, you don't have a chance to think about getting out of your car before the man/hermaphrodite is leaning in, reaching for a card. the first time i encountered this problem, i awkwardly handed him/it a wad of cash, and mumbled something about "regular." he looked miffed, looked at the cash, and then went inside. i felt like i had done something wrong. since then, i slink out of the car past the attendant and again mumble something about regular, while showing them a piece of money (can we start calling it that? or even a slice of money?), then wander inside. the point is....it is a mystery to me. i do not like oregon's gasoline system. fin.

TOPIC 2: reasons you don't need utensils

1. who needs a can-opener when you've got scissors?
2. most things that you would usually cut with knives can be crumbled in your hands--like cheese! or plastic spoons, which you can "borrow" from any fast food establishment, make great substitutes.
3. when you're the only one drinking the juice, why not drink out of the carton?
4. old mail from the recycling pile makes great plates!

TOPIC 3: things i've invented

giant couch: it is a couch which is giant. NO. listen.

noisy thing: noisy thing can be attached to any device, such as key or computer or piece of money. noisy thing has its own phone number which can be called from any cell phone (you cannot talk on noisy thing; all it does is ring loudly--and maybe light up, too). noisy thing will change the lives of absentminded people everywhere.

night zoo: because i'm tired of all the furry animals being asleep. i came here to see a TIGER, dangit!

tiny animal and giant animal: these are what they sound like.

TOPIC 4: things i've learnt this week/things that have BLOWN MY MIND

how dinosaurs copulate. i would tell you here, but children read this blog.

the proper time to use have vs. has when following the word "none."

the concept of Thought Robbers, discovered in a conversation with Parker. I said it opened up a whole new world in my imagination, to which he replied, "Hide it! They'll take it!" Which BLEW MY MIND, because: the thought robbers don't even have to EXIST to be successful. because in avoiding them, we ourselves are limiting, and therefore robbing, our minds of thought. !!!

THIS SONG BLEW MY MIND. because what it is about is something which i love....ever ever so much. and it EXISTS. thank you, damon.

the world "appley." because i read "apply" wrong, and then WHAT??? it's too good. it's like peachy, only BETTER.

it definitely IS possible to eat too many cosmic brownies. possible and painful.

TOPIC 5: things with no category

I saw the oregon coast today! and also a DISASTER at the cheese factory!!!

damon sent me the most ridiculous good hat.

DINOCORN. no. think about it.

i want to draw/paint A LOT more.

MY JOB IS AWESOME. in case you didn't know, i got a job. at a real estate agency. where they play the shins and feed you hot chocolate. (can you feed someone a drink? what is the equivalent verb?)

i'm a big fan of mail. if you want mail, tell me your address. or better yet, send me some mails.

no, really. DINOCORN.

and this:

sing to the aminals!

this theme was way too easy.

realizations:

there are no boring people, only bored people. talk with someone about something they're passionate about, and you will discover that everyone is fascinating.

as limitless as the suffering in the world may be, so is the love. i, for one, would like to be a proponent of the movement for infinite love.

no matter how terrible/horrifying life can sometimes be, it's also hilarious.

the most interesting people are the ones who want to know everything. the eternal student is a truly wise soul, for he is always bettering himself.

there may be nothing more fulfilling to me than a meaningful, thought-provoking conversation.

a person's recurring dreams say a lot about them.

maybe sometimes the only reason horrid things happen is for the sake of having a funny story.

perspective is the key to most everything.

all this joking may have made me an actual supporter of male chauvinism. there seems to be no line between reality and play anymore.

i am surrounded by incredibly inspiring and inspired people. i have a lot to live up to, and i'm thrilled about it.

nothing will ever replace music. your treat today: swim until you can't see land by frightened rabbit. what the amazing, frightened rabbit.

with great power: my ode to the school of myers-briggs

okay, first, listen to this: The Night You Left New York by Slow Six. not necessarily first. you can listen while you read. all right, it's very long. almost ten minutes. but i promise you it will be worth it. when have i ever steered you wrong (as far as music is concerned)? also, if you're smart, all the songs i post on my blog are obtainable. ask me if you're confused. but keep it hush-hush.

now to our featured writing: this is an old poem. and not as applicable or strongly felt as it was then. but why not say it? why not say anything?

these nuclear ABCs
thrust into our hands
regurgitated alphabet soup
[that leaks into our pores
and infects our veins]
TOO.MUCH.POWER
like cars or the internet or love
we become
ambassadors of understanding and
weapons of judgment
glowing radiation from our pedestal
bestowing
{four letter names}
like godly gifts:
“You're Welcome”
and argument is futile
because we are
the educated ones
and moreover
the intuitives
wizards, elves
while the hobbits and men look on
with unfocused eyes
from below
[S stands for Stupid]
But this disease has an
antidote
and its name is equality.

back to what we know

things fall into place.

people fall into places.

people stumble upon people.

and the choreography, though we awkwardly trip through it at times, is perfect.

and i love my life (still and ever again). and i love the people who have floated, elbowed, and crashed their way into my corner of the universe. i am so fortunate. i am so loved. and i can never express how very much i appreciate and love You. my humans. my ones. without you, there Is nothing. there Is no reason, no purpose, no joy, no pain. no point. You Are Everything. We Are Everything. and I want You to know how inspired i am by You.

thank you thank you thank you thank you {IAMSOFILLED}

miracles happen everyday. and MIRACLES WILL HAPPEN THIS WEEK. because i said so. believe it. be it. you already are.

this is my home. these are my ones. they are mine and i am theirs and we are ours and everyone's. and all is love.

and understanding.

which, albeit not complete, is possible and REAL.

and now for some musics. my amazing brother jeffrey sent me an amazing cd for christmas (thank you to anyone who's ever sent me mail. it is my most favorite thing). and among the wonder i discovered the band boy and bear. whom i adore. there is something of fleet foxes here. behold:





and from my own personal arsenal of musical findings, broadcast 2000:





new year is perfect. new year is fresh. new year is fairly bursting with possibilities. and oh man i just really really love.



and i just don't say that word when i don't mean it.

i want you to feel the thrilling passionate grinding hope i feel at this moment. go.

for clarity's sake...

*addendum: because, as meg, pointed out, i entirely neglected to explain....there was an incident with a sumo suit at a certain new year's eve party.