song of the day: Start a War by The National
no, really, though. you should know that my life is amazing. my weekend consisted of roller derby, flight of the conchords, THE OREGON COAST, beach bonfires, stars, stories, learning new words, church, shooting children with nerf guns, and games night. Oh, and Severely Wonderful Humans. i love my ward. and i love my friends. and i...
i love the ocean. every time i see it, i am filled with this rushing energy of eternity and power. the whole world feels invincible and mighty, and i am a small yet somehow significant part of it that could be swept away at any moment. there's something freeing in feeling so powerless. knowing i am surrounded by much larger powers than my own. i have an unofficial ritual. when i see the ocean, when i reach the shoreline, i run to meet it, and stop just short of the water. then i allow it to consume me (emotionally). i can't explain this part. it just happens, and there is jumping and smiling and squealing and occasionally tears, and it is incredible. then i run or walk along the water line until i can breathe again, or until i can't.
just know that if you ever take me to the ocean, these things will happen.
i am living in a dream that i have woven.
this picture is directly out of my imagination, albeit a bit blurrier. i am so astonished at what my life is. i'm sorry for all my vague statements, but i prefer to feel there is some degree of mystery in my existence....i adore everything. just know that. the oceans and the forest are only outward representations, symbols, of the consuming bliss i have found here.
for those of you who don't recall, i came here without an inkling of the reason why. i came here with no money and no plan, other than to study with the national exchange program for a year. and then, i supposed, i would return, perhaps. well, nothing has gone according to plan. which, if you know me at all, i consider to be a magnificent thing. i got a job which vaguely supported me for a while, but soon i was running out of money. it was find a new job or go home. legitimately. there was an ultimatum, and i almost failed. but miracle after miracle has kept me here, and i know more than ever that THIS IS WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE. and i couldn't be happier about that fact, for this place is my personal heaven. these people are my ones. My Ones.
everything feels like christmas, only lasting. and every day is a surprise. and every week my life changes. i swear my jaw is still hanging open 90% of the time.