Wednesday, January 12, 2011

a series of unrelated and unimportant topics

TOPIC 1: how to pump gas in oregon

this blog is not going to tell you how to pump gas in oregon. the reason for this is that i still don't really know. and google provided scant information. it seems easy enough, i know. I KNOW! but i have troubles. i've tried a variety of ways, but none have felt entirely successful. if you're paying with a card, there is no issue. you pull up, turn off the car, roll down your window (not in that order, as i am repeatedly reminded), and hand the nice man/hermaphrodite your card. oh, you do also have to speak. that's one thing i would often forget at first. you wave your hand about and say something like, "fill it up with regular." or premium, if you're one of those people [who i'm not sure exist] who get premium gasoline. no, the heart of the problem lies in the fact that i pay in cash. in (almost) any other state, this is just as easy. you just go in, give them the moneys, and return to feed your car. however, here in oregon, you don't have a chance to think about getting out of your car before the man/hermaphrodite is leaning in, reaching for a card. the first time i encountered this problem, i awkwardly handed him/it a wad of cash, and mumbled something about "regular." he looked miffed, looked at the cash, and then went inside. i felt like i had done something wrong. since then, i slink out of the car past the attendant and again mumble something about regular, while showing them a piece of money (can we start calling it that? or even a slice of money?), then wander inside. the point is a mystery to me. i do not like oregon's gasoline system. fin.

TOPIC 2: reasons you don't need utensils

1. who needs a can-opener when you've got scissors?
2. most things that you would usually cut with knives can be crumbled in your hands--like cheese! or plastic spoons, which you can "borrow" from any fast food establishment, make great substitutes.
3. when you're the only one drinking the juice, why not drink out of the carton?
4. old mail from the recycling pile makes great plates!

TOPIC 3: things i've invented

giant couch: it is a couch which is giant. NO. listen.

noisy thing: noisy thing can be attached to any device, such as key or computer or piece of money. noisy thing has its own phone number which can be called from any cell phone (you cannot talk on noisy thing; all it does is ring loudly--and maybe light up, too). noisy thing will change the lives of absentminded people everywhere.

night zoo: because i'm tired of all the furry animals being asleep. i came here to see a TIGER, dangit!

tiny animal and giant animal: these are what they sound like.

TOPIC 4: things i've learnt this week/things that have BLOWN MY MIND

how dinosaurs copulate. i would tell you here, but children read this blog.

the proper time to use have vs. has when following the word "none."

the concept of Thought Robbers, discovered in a conversation with Parker. I said it opened up a whole new world in my imagination, to which he replied, "Hide it! They'll take it!" Which BLEW MY MIND, because: the thought robbers don't even have to EXIST to be successful. because in avoiding them, we ourselves are limiting, and therefore robbing, our minds of thought. !!!

THIS SONG BLEW MY MIND. because what it is about is something which i love....ever ever so much. and it EXISTS. thank you, damon.

the world "appley." because i read "apply" wrong, and then WHAT??? it's too good. it's like peachy, only BETTER.

it definitely IS possible to eat too many cosmic brownies. possible and painful.

TOPIC 5: things with no category

I saw the oregon coast today! and also a DISASTER at the cheese factory!!!

damon sent me the most ridiculous good hat.

DINOCORN. no. think about it.

i want to draw/paint A LOT more.

MY JOB IS AWESOME. in case you didn't know, i got a job. at a real estate agency. where they play the shins and feed you hot chocolate. (can you feed someone a drink? what is the equivalent verb?)

i'm a big fan of mail. if you want mail, tell me your address. or better yet, send me some mails.

no, really. DINOCORN.

and this: